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Category Archives: Random Thoughts

it was an eerie feeling. waking up twenty minutes half past midnight. on a Sunday again.

some thousand miles up in the sky.

i looked over the window and not a sight to see. darkness. the sea might be below us, but nothing is still visible. it was uncomfortable too sitting at my seat. no one to talk to, nothing to see. nothing to feel but that eerie spark inside me. not of fear of flight. but of fear of forgetting.

that was the master plan. forget everything. forget everything, Casanova. maybe this week’s worth of being apart may train me to make the final decision. no one, not even me knew the ending. but still, it was the plan.

a distracting month had passed. it should have been perfect. June was always the start of something good. this year, creeping beans of dread began to sprout. i should not have known these things. i was caught off guard. and yes, another thing to remember. always be fucking ready. it drained me, so i needed this break.

the blinking light on the airplane’s wing was the the only visible thing to see outside. planning to go back to sleep now.

but it’s how you say ’em now that has changed. nifty lyrics. it’s like someone is singing this to me right at this moment. aiming at me. locked on target. damn beat.  i’m switching music.

the eerie feeling returned before i closed my eyes.


to the Bride.

all you were back then was a small kid trying to live in the big world. or a young kid trying to be a big kid. thinking of trying out that yellow suit. ah, now what am i saying. this is like a letter from your father, though i’m just your foster parent. oh, no, no, no. i’m not even related to you.

and your face makes my heart dribble and thump in a way she- your supposed foster mother- made me feel ages ago, when she was alive. heck, why am i considering you as a child of mine? this ain’t kid’s play. heck, were’ old now. mature. those were the things of the past. i’m now living in the future. though seems like you and your fuc–… OK. no cursing.

though seems like you and your actions are bringing me down towards hell. hmm.

people will recognize your beauty. i find you beautiful today. tonight. maybe tomorrow as well. but, see, kid, you’re now beautiful… just like everyone else. you’re not attractive anymore. unless something is proven, you’ll reclaim my attention. but not now. not sooner. your beauty can hook up someone, but it will fail me. it is sad. you’ll know how sad i have become because of this. a painful vanity.

go now. marry that boy.

the next day, i’ll have my redemption. you’ll die on the Mexican border. pray for your marriage. and i’ll pray for your funeral.

bidding my farewell,

(found this saved on my pc. it’s a college reaction paper to jose rizal’s The Philippines A Century Hence submitted as one of two last requirements for Rizal Course in 2008. so i guess this is an advance birthday gift to the national hero. why do i feel nationalistic these days. lol oh well. kudos!)

The Great Filipino Dr. Jose Rizal has left me astounded with his achievements since his childhood: he was an artisan, a man of knowledge and wonder, a linguist, a gentleman, a master in every crafts, not to mention his hundreds of achievements and profession, with a miracle of how he had attained all of this in his short life span. There could be none left that cannot be attributed to him, unless he could also have been a woman once in his life. Yet the most unusual title I heard given to him by a handful of people really caught my attention. The Great Rizal, was also but a Nostradamus in the making? Then he was a doctor and artisan; next he was a great psychic, a seer, even a prophet! Interesting it was.

This article he wrote in La Solidaridad gave me quite a stir. I was pondering: is it true? Is this the article that, shall say, predicted the future of the Philippines in his years? I was ready to plunge into his mind, into his precious intellect, ready to accept whatever pieces of fact that will make him, our national hero, more of a human being that he was.

I read the article, quite impressed of the heavy title as it summarizes what may the whole thing is all about. However, to tell frankly, the lengthy article didn’t give me a feeling of rush excitement. It did, if not, gave me a sense of historical nostalgia. I was caught up by what he wrote that “in order to read the destiny of a people, it is necessary to open the book of its past”. It was a strong argument, and needed a logical point of view.  As much was said, the Philippines was a battleground of the clash of cultures, of blending of races and of pitiful bloodshed. Rizal in his own words painted the picture of our past clearly; the depth of his writings was proof of much grief and much work. He could have overreacted in telling his stories, but the next generation Filipinos understood the hardships of their forefathers. It can be considered that the people had had enough war, that they longed peace, and that they never stopped hoping for happiness and the right to live in their own contentment. What supplied Rizal of the heart for passion for his country became his primary mission to save from the terror and tyranny of the cruel Spaniards.

Rizal was a son of liberalism. Though he did not approve of much violence, he chose to be vigilant by means of his ways of writing. With his researches on world history, he understood the pattern of cause and effect, and how it has affected and changed the whole world. The facts and figures of one’s country’s history could be a trend that a country like the Philippines may take course. In this context, I think the idea of Rizal being a prophet is vague anymore. Science and logic were intervening.

His allusion of the past Philippines to the story of Sancho Panza gave me the spark of idea that Rizal was not actually prophesying; instead, what he was telling in his article was but an analysis. Something which was not commonly done in his time, for the patterns he used were commonly for science experiments, where intelligent guesses were made from observation. He just carefully observed the present and past situation of our dear Motherland, and from then “predicted” our future. He fearlessly told the public of the plans of domination of other countries. From my own point of view, these expositions were Rizal’s own expression of three things: installing fear on the current regime of Spanish tyranny for them to fly away from the country; expressing sadness and failure, that even if Spain let loose hold of the Philippines, there will be other countries in the world that are ready to take hold of our country; or maybe Rizal was even giving a hint of hope to the Filipinos that sooner or later, a great nation will save their country from the oppressive rule of Spain.

How this article was made gave its reader a hint of the author’s thought. It was full of reverie and passion: every sentence and ideas expressed discontent of the author from tyranny, and his longing for something to do for his homeland. There could also be a possibility that the guesses he made was but a hopeless act of zealousness to the country, that he was having delusions and might have been on the verge of giving everything up. Yet there was still a factor of good reasoning that led him to think of these delusions.

There was also another thing that I think the article was trying to tell. How one shall read this article must interpret it as not just as mere words but full of message for our own generation. I wrote earlier that there were patterns that make the world go on changing. History repeats itself; history may have repeated itself a hundred times now. But today’s battle was not the same battle our forefathers were fighting before. It is now a message with an intention of giving a warning. The colonization by the Spaniards which started four centuries ago is now parallel to the colonization of foreign minds of our countrymen. Most of us Filipinos are now enslaved by materials from other countries, that we neglect the riches of our own. Just as Rizal has thought of saving our ancestors, many modern Rizal’s will begin to save our vanishing culture. Everyone does not need to be a psychic to know what will happen. The Filipinos are now intelligent. It’s just a matter of choosing which way to take: a way alike to what Rizal and many of our heroes had taken or another way of letting things be.

The article was tactful, as expected. It opened to me the thought of Rizal, not a prophet and seer, but just a normal man. Yet he was, no doubt, a genius. His ingenuity transcends through time, which eventually make him a “prophet”.  He was a Great Filipino Genius. It’s the most appropriate title to be given to him.

because i feel like not talking about it any more. so overrated conversation topic. can we just talk about music or… or… ummm… food instead? i don’t want to talk; i want to sing instead.

and the background  music is AntoniaMotion City Soundtrack harhar.

more than a decade ago, the youngsters and the blooming generation were thinking of perhaps the same type of predicament: what if Ninoy did not die, will Cory still become a President?

many say she wasn’t capable of handling the government that time and that the highest position of the nation was not really meant for her, if only Ninoy was not shot dead years prior to the 1986 government revolution.

there’s one thing i seriously think was the main reason she won over: the Filipinos were full of emotions. we were the most well-known peace huggers of the world that time. of course, when people are suppressed, they tend to get emotional about freedom. exactly what happened to the baby boomers within and after martial law.

so far, it turned out great. i guess after the great flood, we need a time for rest and re-structure. the beloved Yellow Mother’s reign, although with burning countless coup-d’etat attempts, did made the Filipinos bind through, with a new race to be proud of.

just that i want to emphasize on the word EMOTION as the key to president Cory’s victory. emotion. feelings of a unified nation. she was there at the right time. a motherly support for all the children on the Three Stars. i can’t say she used it, but i am in such awe of her, with the same motherly respect for her, of what she has done (or maybe the history books just fed it up to my head). but that’s enough. it was on the past already, and it wasn’t my fight. my fight happens to be right now.

now back to our days, to this year of 2010. last year, President Cory died. not of martyrdom, but of natural cause. it was, in a sense, natural. no government-related type of death shit. yet politics still find it’s way to use the current events to become tool of mass control.

we now all know that the “son” of the “mother” is currently running for the presidential seat in the coming elections. just plain bullshit. yes, i am disgusted. it’s my right, it’s how i think it is. it’s not how i FEEL about it, it’s how i THINK about it.

that noynoy guy is clearly using the same strategy as what had happened before. he’s feeding on the EMOTIONS of the people to get to the seat. not that it matters to some, but they themselves succumb to this national “decision” to vote for him.

so what is definitely wrong about it?

politics is like stage play. if you don’t know about it, and want to know more about it, then be aware. you don’t need to go up the ladder or become an official. you can clearly see it from down here. only if you bigger eyes to look at it. plus bigger brains. the LP candidate uses the notion for people to FEEL the need for a kind-hearted and new type of president to rule to country. same goes for his running mate. walang corruption, hindi ako magnanakaw, pag-asa ng bayan. that’s common shit in politics. corruption has been a part of society. you can’t just let it go down the drain in an instant. everyone is dirty once you play in politics. the “evil” things that actually befell on the tainted government right now actually were roots of past decisions ruled by feelings. if you want a clean government, you may perhaps opt to create a robot, reading and working based on the programs of law.

the truth is, i don’t find any rationality on noynoy’s platform. not a single factual thing. it’s all just theoretical. we’ve been hearing the same stuffs since the age of dawn, but not a single soul has done anything about it, about the “evil” that feeds the government. im not looking at how the government shall be cleansed; im looking at how it shall be smoothly ran with a new head of state. people believe the answer to a rotten government is for a cleaning man to clean the job. if i’m to be asked, there should be no government to rule us after all, but that’s not likely to happen at these times. and that’s not the point of this article. you see, we don’t need a leader of jesus-like abilities or virtue. we need a non-fictional character with a clear rational head to rule. people with clear thoughts and decides with reason and not just because i-think-i’m-kind-hearted-therefore-i-should-rule mentality.

did we see this coming? no.

what if President Cory did not die. what may happen? will there be a Noynoy-turned-supposed-to-be-messiah that’s gonna run?

the people should seriously think about the situation right now. it’s not 1986 anymore. there’s no tyranny that is running on to control us, only ourselves. we are not a nation of just emotional cry-baby’s; we’re a million-fold country of wise thinkers and creative decision-makers. we’re one or two generations ahead of those martial law times. we should choose who to elect based on our thoughts.

i don’t want Noynoy to be our president.  i want anyone but him. he’s a public figure since ages ago, and i’ve seen his actions and thoughts. it’s not fit for the seat. if he’s going to win, my predictions is that our country shall be in chaos again. the promises shall end short as always. but i am believing there’s a big chance he will not win.

say what about corruption and the others, do i say we just need to accept it? of course not, we don’t want to be giving away our fruits of labour to the pockets of our politicians. but these vices are happening all the time, in micro or national level. how you deal on your neighbours, how you try to make things to just level yourself up, is the same as that. the only advise on how to completely destroy corruption is to rightfully look at ourselves, check and correct our actions, and duplicate.

im no political-junkie anymore, but i need to let this one out of my head.